How do you solve a problem like Meghan and Harry? One imagines this is a common, if not entirely welcome, topic of conversation over the King’s morning Burford Browns. After weeks of not-so-subtle manoeuvring, the gruesome twosome finally broke cover, taking the good citizens of Nottingham by storm in their first official non-official appearance as a couple.

A veritable symphony in this season’s non-royal royal shades of plum and burgundy, Meghan showcased her ‘duchess of the people’ credentials by pairing a £26 Marks & Spencer belt with her £650 Jennifer Chamandi stilettos, £345 Joseph cashmere sweater and £1,495 Joseph cashmere coat.

In a further subtle nod to the non-royal nature of her appearance, she flashed a well-turned bare calf and ankle. Was there ever a woman so down-to-earth and authentic and in touch with the common people?

Surrounded by all of 200 adoring fans (of whom a substantial number were photographers and journalists), the Duchess clutched her bunch of flowers like they were from luxury florist Moyses Stevens, squealed with girlish delight, dispensed hugs and posed for selfies. There was much smiling and clapping and tilting of the head as she mingled with carefully selected angelic-looking children, while Harry gazed on in the manner of a lovestruck puppy.

She and hubby tried their hands at cake decorating, greeted total strangers like long-lost relatives, smiled and waved. It was, to all intents and purposes, indistinguishable from the kind of thing they used to do before their ‘freedom flight’, the only difference being six years of asinine and woefully misjudged behaviour, several million in lawyers’ fees and an awful lot of rather sickly jam.

Nottingham was the site of their first official royal outing back in 2017, which, given how much these two love to send a signal, was no doubt not a coincidence. A telling choice, but also in some ways a puzzling one: after all, wasn’t it precisely this kind of gruelling public appearance as royals that first drove them to seek a more private existence?

Meanwhile, in Cardiff, the real royals, King Charles and Queen Camilla, were attending the ceremonial opening of the new term of the Welsh Parliament, meeting community groups and doing their best to sidestep anti-monarchy protesters. They might as well have stayed in bed for all the attention they received.

There is a grim inevitability to all this. For the King and, by extension, Prince William, this is everything they’ve been dreading since the moment the Sussexes blindsided them by announcing their return to Blighty.

Unencumbered by protocol or, for that matter, the slightest sense of propriety, Harry and Meghan have parked their tanks firmly on the King’s lawn. They clearly intend to be the cooler, groovier royal alternative – and given how fickle people are, there is a good chance they will succeed.

To many, it’s true, these two nouveau royals seem beyond the pale. They understand nothing of the constitutional meaning of the Crown, as they have repeatedly demonstrated, and are as far removed as anyone could be from the legacy of Queen Elizabeth II, whose life was all about duty. They are selfish, entitled and entirely ruthless when it comes to pursuing their own aims – again, as repeatedly demonstrated.

But, in a way, that is what makes the Sussexes so dangerous: in our shallow social media age, where success is measured in clicks and likes, and old-fashioned values such as hard work and resilience are increasingly worthless, the Duke and Duchess, with their whingeing and blaming everyone else, are perfectly in tune with the prevailing culture of victimhood.

In fact, in many ways they represent the perfect mixture of vacuousness and vanity required to earn them an army of fans who find the solemnity and stoicism of the King and other senior royals far too challenging for their dopamine-addled brains.

Where once the King’s determination to soldier on, regardless of his ill health, would have been rightly seen as a mark of character, in our something-for-nothing culture it’s dismissed as an example of an outmoded ‘stiff upper lip’ attitude, as condemned by Harry in his book Spare as one of the reasons for his emotional repression and psychological damage following the death of his mother, Princess Diana.

Thus the Sussexes, and Meghan in particular, are described as ‘brave’ for speaking about mental health issues, while a man in his 70s who shows up, without fail, every day while undergoing treatment for cancer is characterised as some kind of unfeeling dinosaur. It is deeply depressing.

It’s hard to see what can be done. The Sussexes are not going to act with respect or restraint, that much is abundantly clear. They patently intend to pursue a career as pseudo-royals, and will do whatever necessary to draw the spotlight away from the real royals. What can the King do? They have committed no offence. And yet…

That’s why I think that, in the end, they will have to be brought back into the fold. Restoring their titles and status and giving them back all the trappings – round-the-clock-security, hot and cold running staff, lavish accommodation, balcony privileges, a stipend and so on – is probably the only way to neutralise them.

It is, ultimately, the lesson of Harry’s mother, Princess Diana: she was far more trouble to the Royal Family on the outside than she was on the inside. The same, I fear, is now true of her younger son and his ambitious wife.